News in brief: Man innocent of potato famine

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In a landmark court case, Oxbury man Paul Cathedral has been found not guilty of causing the potato famine that struck Ireland in the mid 19th century.
Cathedral had been accused of the tragedy by his wife whose name I couldn’t be bothered to find out. It is alleged that the accusation was intended to discredit Cathedral – owner of a lucrative plastic moulding business – in advance of divorce proceedings.

In heated scenes, the presiding judge (whose name I did find out but forgot to write down) branded the accusations ‘ludicrous’ and ‘chronologically ill-thought-through’. Cathedral’s wife has been ordered to pay court costs and reparations.

A potato was unavailable for comment.

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