Death announcements


  • ???? – Gone and most definitely forgotten. I can’t even remember his name. It might’ve begun we an ‘R’. He used to like paint.
  • COWTHROB (Susanna) – Missed. Shame that bus didn’t, really.
  • LONGHTORNE (Wilma) – You were right: it wasn’t just a cold. Sorry about that.
  • MORTON (Jack) – Darling, I miss you dearly and wish you were here now. Then I wouldn’t have to unblock this drain.
  • THIMBLE (Martin) – See? I said you didn’t know how to wire a plug.
  • SAXOPHONE (Bruce)You came to us, a gift from God. A shame you were a stupid sod. As knows anyone with some brain-power, you should never use an electric hedge-trimmer in the shower.
  • WADDLE (Mavis) – Loving wife for thirty years, unbearable old nag for the last ten. You can’t moan at me now, though, can you? Oh look: I’m putting a mug straight onto the coffee table without a coaster! What’re you going to do about it, hey? Hey? Funeral arrangements to follow.

If you know someone who has died or is in the process of dying and wish to get a head start on things, please send your message to

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