Category Archives: News in Brief

News in brief: Man innocent of potato famine

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In a landmark court case, Oxbury man Paul Cathedral has been found not guilty of causing the potato famine that struck Ireland in the mid 19th century.
Cathedral had been accused of the tragedy by his wife whose name I couldn’t be bothered to find out. It is alleged that the accusation was intended to discredit Cathedral – owner of a lucrative plastic moulding business – in advance of divorce proceedings.

In heated scenes, the presiding judge (whose name I did find out but forgot to write down) branded the accusations ‘ludicrous’ and ‘chronologically ill-thought-through’. Cathedral’s wife has been ordered to pay court costs and reparations.

A potato was unavailable for comment.

Local news in brief: Man wears hat

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Residents of Belvoir Street, Oxbury were left in shock today as a man was seen walking down the street wearing a hat. The event, which occurred in the early hours of the early hours,┬ástartled homeowner and part-time pigeon racer Albert Talbert. “I’ve never seen the likes in years,”┬áTalbert said, whilst eating a Digestive biscuit. “A man. In a hat. Walking down the street like he owned the place!”

The last time a man was seen wearing a hat in the Oxbury area was in 2008, just prior to the outbreak of the banking crisis. As of yet no firm causal link has been established between the two events.

Oxbury CID are appealing for witnesses who may have seen the man in the hat and are attempting to trace his whereabouts. There is no firm description of him, but he is believed to be wearing a hat.

The police have issued a warning that members of the public should remain vigilant and not approach any person wearing headgear without prior establishment of their motives.

A hat, but not *the* hat.
A hat, but not *the* hat.